I’m the oldest, she’s three years younger. We were both homely little girls born to physically attractive parents who I think were dismayed by what they got. I was quick and smart; my sister was not smart. We never had more in common than our parents, an angry alcoholic father and a needy neurotic mother.
As a child my sister played the baby role as long as she could, while I went it alone, sometimes accused of being unkind for not liking her or wanting to play with her (she was neither imaginative nor fun). My sister was jealous and petulant about everything I did; she also had our father’s mean personality and could become physical if she didn’t get her way, hitting and shoving. I’m pretty sure I rejected her by the time I was ten or eleven, as I did well in school and had friends. I heard on this blog that rejection by a sibling can affect a person’s self esteem and more, and for that I am somewhat sorry, but not entirely.
She had a rough life, with no contact with me for over a decade until she moved back to our home state when her kids were grown. Somewhere along the line she fulfilled her destiny and became a serious alcoholic. Two more failed marriages and serious financial troubles finished her.
This is going on too long: she despises me but “plays” at being my sister until she becomes irrationally jealous of my life, which has been ok. My husband and I are old – 85 and 79, but still she is angry that she doesn’t have a comfortable retirement or kids and grandchildren who love us.
I imagine this distance between the two of you has weighed on both of you throughout your lives. I’m sorry for that.