Brothers, Sisters, Strangers Blog

Brothers, Sisters, Strangers
Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

Welcome to my new blog! Here, you can freely discuss your challenges with sibling relationships. If you would like, I will not use your name to protect your privacy.

My interest in this topic is rooted in my personal story; my older brother and I didn't talk to each other for most of my adult life. Over time, we did reconcile, and I captured that journey in my book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation.

For years, I've wondered about the nature of sibling relationships and, in particular, when and how they break down, cut off, or enter the territory of estrangement. How do sibling estrangement and reconciliation define an individual?

Here, I hope to give others the opportunity to explore this underacknowledged topic, which many experts call "epidemic." Like me, you may find it helpful to think through these issues; writing a post for this blog may provide a useful structure to begin to do so. Writing is therapeutic and capturing stories in words benefits both the writer and the reader. In fact, I have created a writing workbook, The Sibling Estrangement Journal: A Guided Exploration of Your Experience through Writing, offering you a private, emotional outlet to understand and process the grief of sibling estrangement.

Here is the link to the book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BLLTT6SJ#SalesRank

For those who are seeking personal life coaching, I offer private sessions to discuss estrangement, reconciliation, and family relations. Please email me at fernschumer@gmail.com to discuss details. Thanks for participating and posting.

Oct 21 2024

Siblings Who Swindle Siblings

Discovering that a sibling is stealing from an estate is devastating, 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. Scott Rahn, an attorney at RMO Probate Litigation—a firm specializing in probate litigation involving contested trust, estate, probate, and conservatorship matters in California and Texas—says it’s important to identify the issue as early as possible to minimize losses. This type of theft is actually common, Rahn says, and family members should know the signs, including: ...
Sep 16 2024

Refinery29 tackles estrangement, quotes Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

"Writer Fern Schumer Chapman, who was estanged from her brother for over 40 years, wrote in her book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers that when siblings cut ties, they’re left in 'a world of secrecy and shame', even if they’ve made the right decision for themselves. The feelings that come with this decision are complex and will vary by person depending on why they’ve chosen to cut ties."     https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/estranged-family-members-relationships
Aug 25 2024

People Pleasing as a Trauma Response

When faced with the pain of estrangement, some people develop coping mechanisms that, while seemingly helpful in the moment, can result in deeper emotional struggles. People-pleasing is one such response. To avoid further rejection, an individual may bend over backward to meet others’ expectations – often compromising one's own needs and well-being. For those who have experienced estrangement, the fear of losing another important connection can be terrifying. This fear ...
Aug 19 2024

Making the Painful Decision to Go No-Contact with my Narcissist Brother

Hi Fern, I recently discovered your efforts to discuss sibling estrangement and have ordered your book, workbook, and listened to podcasts. It's been helping me to process some of my grief that I've been dealing with concerning my older brother. I decided to share my story with you, as I feel like it would be another decent outlet to talk through some of my feelings. It's a very long and ...
Jul 16 2024

The estranged are rendered voiceless

There is no recourse, no self-defense for the shunned. When a sibling is cut off, he/she loses the opportunity to present his/her side of the story, ask questions, or apologize. The shunned are rendered voiceless. Cutting off a sibling wields a weighty club of control, denying a sister’s or brother’s very existence; the shunned often feel anxious, rejected, hopeless, and powerless.. As silence stretches on for months and even years, ...
Jun 15 2024

What might be driving a difficult sibling relationship…

In many cases of sibling estrangement, a troubling realization dawns on a brother or sister over time: the toxic nature of the relationship stems from one sibling’s narcissistic tendencies. It's painful to recognize that the person you share blood with, someone you were supposed to trust and rely on, may be the source of ongoing emotional turmoil and distress. Narcissistic behaviors such as manipulation, gaslighting, and a lack of empathy ...
Jun 11 2024

What to say to someone who is experiencing estrangement

  Family cutoffs are common, yet most people don’t know how to support the estranged. My latest blog post delves into what to say to someone experiencing estrangement and offers ideas on how to provide meaningful support to those who need it most. Family estrangement is both common and stigmatized; it has become a kind of 'Me Too' movement. Many feel misunderstood by well-meaning but unaware friends and family who ...
May 26 2024

Perilous Moments in a Sibling Relationship

Sibling relationships can be some of the most complex connections in our lives. For many, there are pivotal moments—turning points—that dramatically alter the dynamic with our brothers or sisters. ✨ Which “turning points” in your relationship with your sibling(s) altered your connection? How did things change? Have you ever found yourself asking, "How did this happen?" Whether a specific event, a gradual drift, or a sudden realization, these moments can ...
May 14 2024

Agreeing to Terms of Engagement to repair a broken relationship

Sisters avoid old hurts and identify safe topics to mend their broken relationship. They ask what's necessary: Admitting wrongdoing? An apology? Forgiveness?
Apr 10 2024

Broadening National Siblings Day to Include the Estranged

Ever wonder how National Siblings Day got started. Learn all about its founder and the controversy surrounding the day.

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