Loss

Oct 15 2025

How Fawning Fosters Distance in Adult Relationships

A childhood trauma response that leads to estranging family and ourselves. Fawning, a trauma response learned in childhood, can lead to quiet estrangements from family and one's self. Fawners' relationships are performative, not genuine connection, so fawners often feel unseen and unheard. People-pleasing is a learned strategy or a conscious choice, while fawning is a survival mechanism.   https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202510/how-fawning-fosters-distance-in-adult-relationships
Oct 14 2025

How do I accept the possibility of my brother’s death during a period of estrangement?

My (half) brother is 11 years older than me and in his mid 30s. I just blocked his number. When I was 11 he started a relationship with a woman who would become his ex wife and had multiple kids with her. This relationship was a slow decent for him as a person, as he faced close to 15 years of slow narcissistic abuse from a woman who is clearly ...
Aug 22 2025

How childhood communication patterns disturb adult relationships

New pyschologytoday.com blog post shows how dysfunctional emotional and behavioral patterns established in the family of origin often resurface in intimate bonds outside the family.   KEY POINTS Individuals bring unresolved issues into new relationships, re‐creating patterns from their family of origin. Children who feel their parents or siblings rejected them often misread emotional cues. Adults who didn't learn communication skills as children often estrange themselves rather than resolve issues. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202508/how-toxic-dynamics-from-childhood-resurface-in-adulthood
Jul 1 2025

New blog post on psychologytoday.com

When my book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation, was released in 2021, the editorial board at my publishing house debated whether to use the word “estrangement” in the subtitle. That word was not widely used at that time, and editors feared that potential readers would be confused and put off by the term. Now, in just four years, the word “estrangement” is everywhere – so ...
Jun 5 2025

Reader asks for help with her strained relationship with her sister

Seeking advice on how to deal with current relationship with sister whom was close to in the past
May 20 2025

New blog post: How siblings profoundly shape each other’s identities

Siblings help chart the course of each other's lives in ways we're still discovering. KEY POINTS Parents have been identified as primarily shaping children, but the sibling influence has been overlooked. Siblings shape each other's identity, altering behavior, and even affecting mental and physical health. Siblings help chart the course of one another's lives; those with close bonds fare better.
May 16 2025

Parade/AOL article quote: Estranged are harshly judged

"Some grow up with their siblings side by side as best friends, while others spend their childhood walking on eggshells. And there are no guarantees that things will get better with time, either. To explore how deep this sort of damage can run, let's take a look at a Reddit thread where people have been sharing what it's like to have an antisocial brother or sister who has crossed every ...
Apr 26 2025

New blog: 2 hidden factors that contribute to family estrangement

Hiding vices or avoiding triggers may cause family members to cut off contact. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/brothers-sisters-strangers/202504/2-hidden-factors-that-contribute-to-family-estrangement
Mar 23 2025

NewsBreak’s BuzzFeed article quotes Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

  "Second, there are distinct risk factors for sibling estrangement. In her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation, Fern Schumer Chapman says children raised in chaotic, abusive, or neglectful families like the one V and I grew up in run the greatest risk of estrangement, often shutting down and numbing themselves to their emotions, which effectively limits all relationships. She adds that poor communication skills ...
Feb 21 2025

New York Magazine’s “The Cut” quotes author of Brothers, Sisters, Strangers

https://www.thecut.com/article/sister-is-cutting-out-relatives-family-wrong-no-contact.html