Is It Night Or Day?

A new novel explores a sibling's lifelong struggles with a mentally ill sister. Psychologytoday.com blog post KEY POINTS When a sibling suffers with mental illness, family members may feel anxious, overwhelmed, and resentful. Some brothers and sisters stay in an unhealthy job or relationship out of loyalty to a mentally ill sibling. Through transference, old childhood feelings toward a sibling often resurface in adult relationships.  

How far would you go to avoid being forced to kill? 90 is the number that, on a cold December night, hijacks a young man’s future. The year is 1969; Bruce is 20, and 90 is his draft lottery number. The number that guarantees he’ll be drafted into the military—likely becoming a soldier in the Vietnam War. In this compelling memoir, one young man—an outsider among his privileged peers at ...

Discovering that a sibling is stealing from an estate is devastating, 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘴𝘺𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺. Scott Rahn, an attorney at RMO Probate Litigation—a firm specializing in probate litigation involving contested trust, estate, probate, and conservatorship matters in California and Texas—says it’s important to identify the issue as early as possible to minimize losses. This type of theft is actually common, Rahn says, and family members should know the signs, including: ...

"Writer Fern Schumer Chapman, who was estanged from her brother for over 40 years, wrote in her book Brothers, Sisters, Strangers that when siblings cut ties, they’re left in 'a world of secrecy and shame', even if they’ve made the right decision for themselves. The feelings that come with this decision are complex and will vary by person depending on why they’ve chosen to cut ties."     https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/estranged-family-members-relationships

When faced with the pain of estrangement, some people develop coping mechanisms that, while seemingly helpful in the moment, can result in deeper emotional struggles. People-pleasing is one such response. To avoid further rejection, an individual may bend over backward to meet others’ expectations – often compromising one's own needs and well-being. For those who have experienced estrangement, the fear of losing another important connection can be terrifying. This fear ...

Hi Fern, I recently discovered your efforts to discuss sibling estrangement and have ordered your book, workbook, and listened to podcasts. It's been helping me to process some of my grief that I've been dealing with concerning my older brother. I decided to share my story with you, as I feel like it would be another decent outlet to talk through some of my feelings. It's a very long and ...

There is no recourse, no self-defense for the shunned. When a sibling is cut off, he/she loses the opportunity to present his/her side of the story, ask questions, or apologize. The shunned are rendered voiceless. Cutting off a sibling wields a weighty club of control, denying a sister’s or brother’s very existence; the shunned often feel anxious, rejected, hopeless, and powerless.. As silence stretches on for months and even years, ...

In many cases of sibling estrangement, a troubling realization dawns on a brother or sister over time: the toxic nature of the relationship stems from one sibling’s narcissistic tendencies. It's painful to recognize that the person you share blood with, someone you were supposed to trust and rely on, may be the source of ongoing emotional turmoil and distress. Narcissistic behaviors such as manipulation, gaslighting, and a lack of empathy ...

Have you heard about service learning? It's an innovative educational approach where students take on classroom projects that make a real difference in their communities.In my book, “Middle School Sleuths,” eighth-graders at Madison Junior High School completely altered the lives of two 86-year-old Holocaust refugees. The students reunited the two best friends 72 years after their long-ago immigration journey. The two unaccompanied minors, who became inseparable on the ship from ...

  Family cutoffs are common, yet most people don’t know how to support the estranged. My latest blog post delves into what to say to someone experiencing estrangement and offers ideas on how to provide meaningful support to those who need it most. Family estrangement is both common and stigmatized; it has become a kind of 'Me Too' movement. Many feel misunderstood by well-meaning but unaware friends and family who ...