“Second, there are distinct risk factors for sibling estrangement. In her book, Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation, Fern Schumer Chapman says children raised in chaotic, abusive, or neglectful families like the one V and I grew up in run the greatest risk of estrangement, often shutting down and numbing themselves to their emotions, which effectively limits all relationships. She adds that poor communication skills modeled by parents who are unable to express feelings, negotiate differences, and model necessary skills of listening, apologizing, or cooling off can also be at the root of estrangement between siblings.
“Third, and most important, my daughters deserved the freedom to be good sisters, and it was my responsibility to nurture a healthy, positive relationship between them. Instead of pitting them against one another in the ultimate competition for my love and approval, I encouraged them to be good to each other. I made sure they attended one another’s arts, academic, and sports events so they could share in each other’s joys and disappointments. I gave them projects to accomplish together and plenty of opportunities to revel in their shared annoyance of their mom.”